Divorce?

Many people have asked me what it’s like growing up with divorced parents. Growing up with divorced parents is probably one of the hardest things you’ll have to deal with. I can only hope and pray that when I have children one day, they never ever have to wonder about which parent they’re going to go to first when it’s holiday. I’ve read up on a few articles about single parenting after being divorced and raising kids etc. I can’t comment on that as I’m nowhere near being a parent yet and I obviously don’t have any experience on parenting but I can definitely give tips to a parent/s who is struggling and isn’t sure on how to handle the situation when it comes to their kid/s.

Don’t speak negatively of the other parent in front of your children. Even if they’re in the same area as you busy with something else, just hearing the name vaguely will draw their full attention to your conversation and it will hurt them or make them feel guilty.
Don’t share the details of your divorce with your kids. They don’t want to hear any of it. It’s already bad enough for them as it is. They hate seeing they’re parents upset, especially if they can’t do anything about it. Keep it private and don’t discuss it at home with your family/friends when they’re around you. It really is annoying walking into a room where everyone stops talking as soon as you arrive.

Be approachable. I think a big mistake you can make, is force your child to pick sides. My parents both talk about each other and I think that at a stage this divorce definitely brought out the worst in both of them. Let your child decide where they want to be on their holiday, maybe discuss having your child for one Christmas holiday and then the next year your child goes to the other parent. Don’t make your child feel guilty about their decision because it really isn’t easy for them. Don’t think that if they choose not to spend their one holiday with you that it’s anything you’ve done. I promise you that if they could be with both parents at once, they would.

I sit with one parent who is quite laid back, easy to talk to and of course approachable how ever my other parent is always keen to ‘one up’ the other parent. It’s like playing a game. You’d think that after fourteen years of being separated, the conflict would stop, but it hasn’t. Divorce is a difficult time for everyone but even more so for children. I know that every divorce case is different. Some are easy and some are ugly. Either way, it’s still a family being pulled apart and that’s what permanently scars children.

To the single parents out there – Keep going. We as kids know that you are trying your best to keep everything together, no matter how hard. It’s okay to make mistakes, we all do. With all your flaws, you are perfect.

You’re more than enough.

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Divorce?

Becoming.

Dear __________.

As you grow up, meeting new people, seeing new places, experiencing new things and most of all making mistakes, your life is learned as you live it. As my mind started spinning, my fingers slowly started typing the things that I wish someone had told me at the age of thirteen. Although I’m sure someone did tell me these things but being a typical teenager I didn’t listen because I probably thought I already knew everything. Sigh. With my high hopes I’m praying that even if these words seem completely useless to you today, you keep them tucked away and read them when you feel as if everyone and everything is turning against you.

Becoming. I have a slight obsession with this word. I remember really holding onto this word in the beginning of standard eight because I knew that high school would either make me or break me. That the person I chose to become in my school career would influence the rest of my life. Pretty self explanatory if you ask me. Yes what I’ve just said is true, but what I only realize now is that it actually starts long before your adult years, university, even your high school years. The choices you make in your younger school years is what influences the type of person you are becoming long before you even get to university. 

You are always becoming. You never arrive. So, as my becoming of a young woman, here are a few things I’ve learnt on my roller coaster of life that only goes up.

You are beautiful – This is so difficult for girls to realize including myself. You are so used to our own features, that you don’t know how beautiful you look to a stranger. You are unique, an original. Stop looking through health, beauty and fashion magazines if you know they lower your self esteem and make you feel differently about yourself. There’s nothing sexier than a happy girl with confidence.  

Rumours – Ever heard something about yourself and just sat there like HAHAH who TF came up with this dumb stuff? I G N O R E it.. No matter how ridiculous. You are what comes out your mouth so, let people underestimate you and then advise them to quietly sit down and watch. The expression on their face/s will be priceless once they see what you are capable of. They’re either hating cause they want you, or want to be you. Have you ever met a hater doing better than you? Neither have I. Only a fool trips on whats behind them and you are not your past.

Go low – Be humble, stay humble and never get too comfortable in your routine that you can’t go out of your way to help someone. Be faithful in the small things because you’ll never be too good to do something “meaningless”. 

Be Bold – In a world of today where social media has literally taken over, we can easily hide behind a computer or phone. Be bold. Learn how to communicate face to face with people without feeling awkward or uncomfortable. This is definitely a life skill that is quickly starting to become extinct especially in the younger generation.

True Love Waits – As cliche’ as that sounds, it’s true. Wait for someone that will follow you, not confuse you. At the same time, make sure your hands are clean. Girls can be very manipulative. Wait for a man that will protect you and make you feel safe. Only you can be responsible for how you present yourself; so present yourself in a way that’s worth protecting. 

What You Say Matters – Only say positive things to, in front of, and behind your friend’s backs. Also make sure that what you say and what you do aren’t two different things. Be honest, loving, thoughtful and generous. “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” 

Enjoy your life, make mistakes and then learn from them. Be happy, block out all negativity around you and just do you. If you go through life constantly caring about what others think and say about you, you’re only going backwards. 

You’re more than enough. 

Becoming.